I’m sitting on a make shift bed in the middle of my room. An open suitcase with clothes piling out of it faces me, and my desk resides to my left. I haven’t been able to clean it entirely off yet. (The desk is the first and last belonging I set up in my room.) Besides that, there is an emptiness, and my heart melts a little bit every time I look around at the bareness of it all. My room, my haven, is gone. All that remains are what these walls remember, and some dog hair that can’t help but linger behind.
It’s the last night in our Williamsburg apartment. Hard to believe that it’s already been a year since we moved in, and my mind is trying to grasp everything that has occurred in the past 365 days. So many memories we shared. So much laughter, heartache, dancing, singing, dog impersonating, and love. Yes, this apartment was definitely filled with love, and the love I have for the two women I shared this space with is undefinable. Having moved so many times in New York, this was the first time I finally had a home, and the first time I finally felt at peace; even if it was just for a little bit.
Outside I can hear the cars drive by and the sound of people talking as they’re either walking home or walking out. It is a Friday night after all, time to party. And it’s only 11 p.m., which means it’s time for those of us in this apartment to get some rest for tomorrow’s big moving day, close our eyes, and dream.
This morning I actually woke up singing in my head “All I Have to Do Is Dream,” which seems very appropriate right about now. I dream (and yearn) of someday feeling like I’m on the right path. Someday I’ll feel at home, the way I did when I lived in between these walls here. Someday I’ll know I’m in the right place at the right time, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Until then, I’ll continue to pack up my bags, live out of my suitcase, and enjoy the life I’m leading; because as chaotic and messy it appears to be, it always continues to be an adventure. And quite frankly, even with all the uncertainty that lies ahead, I’m really enjoying the ride.