I was visiting my family this past weekend when I heard about Charlottesville. As I was sitting at the airport, waiting for my flight back down to LA, I was writing down some thoughts in my journal. This is what I wrote:
"But I struggle with my perspective as a white cis middle class woman - haven't we had enough of those [stories]? I don't want to be more of the same. I want to change. But this is where I am. A young woman. Or am I just a woman now that I'm 30? I am part of the problem. I need to do more.
It's vulnerable for me to share those words on this platform. Writing in my journal is a safe space where I can let it all out without any repercussion or outcome. It's just word vomit. But I wanted to share the words above because I feel like I'm not alone in some of these thoughts. A lot of people I know are struggling with how to voice their feelings with everything they're watching on the news. A lot of people are not talking about it. A lot of people are saying we need more love in the world. A lot of people are open to friendly discourse and conversation. Me? I'm thinking about jumping on a plane and flying to Charlottesville or somewhere else in the world to get more involved. I'm not going to, but the thought is there. I'm looking for protests, panels, and marches in my area. And yeah, I'm definitely open to talking about different perspectives, but when it comes to racism, bigotry, classism, or anything close to those? Fuck it. I want to scream in a lot of people's faces right about now. I am angry. I am full of rage. I am thinking some horrible thoughts. I am ready for action, instead of just sitting behind my computer, observing everything that's taking place. I am thinking too much about myself.
What about you? What are you doing? What are you feeling? Do you have any words to share? The quote I keep in mind lately is "If you are silent in times of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." - Desmond Tutu. Other words in my mind are from Ani Difranco. Who, around 2011, rewrote some of the verses of a 1930's labor song "What Side Are You On?" and it seems appropriate to share some of the lyrics today:
"Too many stories written
These words have echoed in my mind for 72+ hours. What side are you on?
Our SCROTUS thinks there are many sides to this. Many sides. WTF. He said, "I think there is blame on both sides... You had a group on one side that was bad. You had a group on the other side that was also very violent. Nobody wants to say that. I’ll say it right now.” It's infuriating. It makes my blood boil. I thank whatever god you believe in that I'm not in high school right now and can pour myself a very large scotch to numb myself from the pain.
I wish I had a better note to end on this week, but with everything going on in the news, it's hard to focus on anything else. So for now, I'd like to take the time to think more, reflect, listen, scream, and do more than contribute my $5 to whatever non-profit can help people out this month.
Copyright © 2019 Christine Drew Benjamin | All Rights Reserved