isn’t it strange

It’s strange to mourn someone you knew when they’re still alive but just not the person they used to be
We all go through changes and grow
We shift and mold
Sometimes we fade away
I’m trying so hard to hang onto the memories I have of my father before he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s
How he made me laugh
When he stayed up late with me when I couldn’t sleep
The way he provided for my mom and me
How we’re providing for him now
But he doesn’t see us
He doesn’t recall my childhood
I’m someone new to him at times
Other times I’m the enemy
Often I’m a safety net
He still knows I’m there for him
Even when he’s questioning his purpose
Why is he still here when everything is fading away?
He knows something is wrong in his brain but doesn’t know what
He claims I don’t tell him anything
That he didn’t know
That he’s being left out
What an awful feeling that must be

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a memory fading

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saying goodbye